"My" Kumpania
So, I thought I'd spend a moment explaining how I feel about the people in the above photo, as well as those associated with them at KCRF. Last weekend I had the privilege of being able to join the Kumpania at the Great Plains Renaissance Festival in Wichita, KS. Since moving to Dallas, I am constantly homesick and mostly because I miss being involved with these fantastic people. Don't be mistaken, I miss my immediate family as well and would love to be closer to them, but when I think of the activities that I want to do most, it's these faces, and THIS activity (KCRF) that is always in the forefront of my mind and weighing heavy on my heart. A lot of people don't understand this, because I've never been 100% committed to the festival...but then again, I've never been 100% committed to anything, until the last few years.
***I've never really know exactly what I wanted to do with my life, other than be a wife and mother. (Got the wife part taken care of, but the mother part is becoming a journey that is taking too long.) I know I love acting. I know I love children. I know I love music, and I know I love being creative, but that's never really allowed me to settled on one career, or one goal. I've played different instruments, joined various choirs and been involved in theater off and on, no matter where I lived. I've taken up painting, am trying to teach myself to sew and done many other crafts and hobbies that I love. My piano sits in the corner crying for me to play it, but I don't find my skills have stuck with me throughout the years, it's been so long since I've had proper training. Same with my clarinet that sits in the closet. I also tried to take up the guitar and just as I was getting it, I had to quit my lessons and then money was so tight before we moved to Texas, that we sold everything none essential...including my guitar.
I love my "job" as a nanny. The girls I care for are so precious to me. I think in that regard, I've finally found a fulfilling career, but it's been a rough ride. I've worked in many aspects of child care, centers, before and after school care...etc...etc...etc. It was hard, because I truly believe that 80% of people in the child care industry care more about the money than they do about the children...and that is NO WAY to have a successful CHILD care center. Yes, I know...money is important, but those little lives should be the priority because THEY are the future and WE are the (soon-to-be) past! Anyway, I digress... ***
I wish more than anything right now, that we could move back to Kansas City, so that I could pour my heart and soul back into the Renaissance Festival. That is honestly the only place I have been 100% happy and my choices (which seemingly look to others like a lack of commitment to any ONE thing) should not reflect my true feelings on these wonderful, crazy, somewhat insane people who mean so much to me. I know that moving back is not in our future plans. So many things are "up in the air" with where we will finally settle down. It could be Virginia, near Keith's family. It could be Florida, where business opportunities for Keith may take us in the near future. We could live here in Dallas forever (not what either of us really want)...OR there's a small (very small) chance we MAY move back to KC one day.
It's tough to have an unplanned future, but IT IS WHAT IT IS, for now. My husband is my best friend and I will follow him to the end of the earth and back...but the truth is, the only thing I would miss about Dallas if we moved away from here, would be a couple friends and this family that I have grown so close to being their nanny for the last 9 months or so.
The other night, when talking to my hubby about how much I missed KCRF (which is a subject that comes up often) he totally gave me "permission" to go to KC for the run of faire this year and be involved. This would make me so extremely happy, but there are so many "ifs" and "what ifs." IF, Maestro would allow me to perform or even be an area manager again, without being able to come to the rehearsal leading up to the festival. IF, I can find an inexpensive costume or finally teach myself to sew one. IF, I can stand to be away from my hubby for that long. IF, my "bosses" would be alright with me being gone for 2 months....ahhhhhhh! What IF, while I was gone my hubby realized he didn't really miss me? What IF, the family found another nanny that they liked better than me? It's all such a jumbled mess in my brain. I wish that I could just delete Oklahoma and the Southern part of Kansas from the map, making my commute only a couple hours as opposed to 8, and keeping me here to be with my hubby and be able to keep my day job and do KCRF at the same time.
My heart aches when I think of what I am missing out on. The friends who mean so much to me, but I only have a symbiotic facebook relationship with, and a visit or two each year to keep those relationships alive. I know that these people are more than that to me, and no matter how much time we spend apart, the friendships remain strong, but the distance really sucks!
I started being involved with KCRF at a very young age, but couldn't continue due to my christian high school RULES and then I was so involved in "that world" that I moved away to Wisconsin to continue Bible college. When I moved back to KC, I immediately got back involved, but there's something about the festival that bothers my mother, so it was tough to stay involved, especially since my mom and the entertainment director at the festival are so close. I spent a couple years wishing Jim would call me, because when I would mention in passing that I'd like to be involved, I don't think he took me seriously and I've always had trouble "inviting" myself into someone else's "world." (FYI....I've gotten over that, but now I'm too far away to make it happen.) Once I even asked Jim why he didn't call me to help out with various things (both inside the festival and outside) he admitted it was because he was worried about my mother and what she would think. I think I was 29 or 30 at the time and I remember saying something about being an adult and making my own decisions, and that he needed to stop asking my mothers permission. LOL! I love my mom and she takes such good care of me, but I'm an adult, and even before I was an adult, I was very independent and if I set my mind on something....I DID IT....no matter what anyone else thought. I know that, a lot of those "things" were bad decisions, but I don't have any regrets, because I believe all my experiences have made me the FANTABULOUS person that I am today! :o)
Anyway, point being...if there was ONE thing I could change, it would be my location....so that I could be near the greatest people on earth (at KCRF), and my fantastic family.......but I would want to take the handful of people from here that also mean a lot to me. REALITY check! Not gonna happen. So I will trudge on and try to make the best of what I have and stay as involved in both worlds as life will allow. We'll see what happens this fall, but as much as I would love to be involved with KCRF for the full run, I have a feeling it may not happen....but then again....you just never know!
